I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
