Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
