He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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