I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
