idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
