Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
It was confusing and full of hummus
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
