I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
