Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
