I could make wine with my vomit
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
