If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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