I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
