I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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