I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
