I wish I could teleport
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
