Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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