Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
