if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
My breasts were aching with rage.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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