I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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