dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
