he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize