I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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