She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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