The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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