Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
