I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
