the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
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