Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
