I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
