Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
