We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
