I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
