You really coming over, don't trick.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
