So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
He passed out mid-signature
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
