Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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