Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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