Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
