Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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