***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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