Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
