How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Randomize
