Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
