I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
