There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
