Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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