I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
