hell yes lets make some ravioli
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
