im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
