i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize