Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
