I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
