Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize