so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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