Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
