Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
