Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
