I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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