Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
