Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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