wakey wakey hands off snakey
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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