the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
