I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
