apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
