WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize