You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
