the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
