Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
