My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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