just come out here and I will go home with you...
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize