Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
