my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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