Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
