my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
